Trauma Bonding
If you have been trapped in an abusive relationship and do not know why you have been unable to leave, or family members and friends do not understand why you are still in the relationship, there is a very clear cut answer. It is not just you. There is nothing wrong with you or abnormal with your behavior, because, in fact, there is chemical bond that makes it incredibly difficult to sever even the most abusive, violent relationships. This bond is called trauma bonding, and while we strongly encourage you to call an attorney and law enforcement for help today, it is important that you know why you may have been struggling to break free for so long.
We all Have Bonds, but Those Who Experience Trauma Have Even More Intense Bonds With Their Partners
Humans are social animals, which means that we form strong bonds with one another. These emotional attachments help us see from another’s point of view, let us forgive one another after an argument or fight, provide high levels of care for others, and, overall, make society as we know it possible. Bonds also make it exceedingly difficult when we lose a loved one, whether it is due to death, divorce, or separation. When trauma is involved, the strength of that bond is drastically increased. A trauma bond is the “misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person,” according to the Abuse and Relationships Organization. When two people share a traumatic experience together, such as surviving a disastrous mountaineering trip or another type of accident, a special, traumatic, bond is formed. A traumatic bond is also formed when two people engage in extreme sports or activities, or when the relationship is physically, emotionally, or psychologically abusive. Moreover, if a person experienced traumatic incidents earlier in their life, they are even more prone to traumatic bonding with their abusive partner due to cognitive learning.
The Longer the Relationship and More Traumatic the Abuse, the Stronger the Trauma Bond
The longer the abusive relationship lasts, the harder it becomes to leave because the brain has essentially been re-wired to need the abusive person and the trauma that they cause. And, after abuse has occurred, the abused person will tend to seek the comfort or consolation of the person who carried out that very abuse. The abuser controls the abuse–when it stops and starts, therefore they hold not only the power to abuse, but also the power to make the pain end. According to Coping With Trauma: Hope Through Understanding, “the alternation of distress and relief cements the bond.” Additionally, the abused feels entirely dependent upon the abuser. This is why it is so difficult for millions of victims across the country and North Carolina to leave abusive relationships.
Contact an Attorney for Help
Whether you or a family member are trapped in an abusive relationship in which domestic violence occurs frequently or infrequently, it is of the utmost importance that you reach out for help to break the trauma bond. Counselors, safe houses, law enforcement, and attorneys can all offer different and important types of support. Please reach out to the Charlotte, North Carolina domestic violence attorneys at Powers Landreth PLLC today for help with your situation.
Resources:
abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Survivors/trauma_bonding.html
books.google.com/books?id=xHK4vjl-RRAC&pg=PA125#v=onepage&q&f=false
Learn MoreAllison’s Law
North Carolina is currently considering adopting a new law requiring domestic violence offenders to wear ankle GPS bracelets to track their whereabouts. The House Bill, H.B. 46, is also referred to as Allison’s law because it could, if made into a law, save lives such as Allison Holt, who was killed by her estranged husband back in 2009 two days after she filed a restraining order against him. A staggering 60 percent of violence-caused injuries were inflicted on family members, loved ones, or acquaintances, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics and reported by Mother Jones. And, 60 percent of those injuries happened at home. Additionally, 79 percent of murders, when the victim-murderer relationship was known, were incidents where the victim was a loved one, friend, or acquaintance of the murderer. By keeping tabs on the violent person, lawmakers hope to curb the deaths and injuries of thousands of North Carolina victims each year.
About the Ankle Bracelet and the Program
The bill calls for the offenders to wear the GPS device at all times (24 hours a day). If they are found outside of their approved zone, they will be arrested immediately. This is all to provide safety for their potential victims. Last year in North Carolina there were 64 domestic violence homicides, according to North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and reported by WNCN News. The lawmakers of the bill are currently undecided and are seeking feedback from a future Department of Public Safety pilot program on the following:
- Whether GPS units should be worn only by offenders who violate a domestic violence protective order;
- Whether GPS units should also be worn by violent offenders;
- What constitutes a violent offender;
- How the program should be staffed;
- Type of GPS unit to be used;
- Type of GPS monitoring to be used and whether it will provide real time data;
- If the victim’s location will also be monitored for their safety, and what privacy concerns will arise because of that;
- Cost of the program; and
- Comparison of North Carolina’s program to those of other states.
Recent Successful Results in Close-By States
Several other states have had success, including Connecticut, which began their trial program in two high-risk regions back in 2010. The Connecticut Mirror reported that between 2010 and 2013 they had 168 defendants wearing ankle bracelets. As a result, none of the victims were injured or killed in additional assaults.
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence, when the offender is in a relationship with the victim, is causing bodily injury, the attempt to cause bodily injury, or putting the victim or their family members in fear of injury. Placing the victim or their family members in emotional distress over their safety is also considered domestic violence.
Contact a Charlotte, North Carolina Domestic Violence Attorney Today for Help
If you or a family member is the victim of domestic violence of any kind, we strongly encourage you to contact an attorney immediately. Do not hesitate to call the compassionate attorneys of Powers Landreth PLLC Charlotte today.
Resources:
ncleg.net/Applications/BillLookUp/LoadBillDocument.aspx?SessionCode=2017&DocNum=165&SeqNum=0
motherjones.com/politics/2013/04/domestic-violence-murder-stats
ctmirror.org/2013/09/04/gps-ankle-bracelets-reduce-domestic-violence-injuries-connecticut/
wncn.com/2017/02/17/some-seek-solutions-as-domestic-violence-continues-to-plague-nc/
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North Carolina Collaborative Divorce
When most people think of divorce, a complicated, stressful, and costly image comes to mind. While many divorces do end up going down that type of road, especially when the divorce is contested and goes to court, there is an easier option available for couples whose relationship is still strong enough to discuss options face to face in a controlled, neutral environment. This option is called collaborative divorce, and it may be the right choice for you.
What is Collaborative Divorce?
To settle legal disputes, there are generally three accepted methods. The most recognizable option for many people is going to court (litigation) where a judge will make the decision for you after hearing the arguments of both sides. However, an article in Forbes estimates that 95 percent of divorces are settled outside of court. So how are people going about this? Arbitration, which is somewhat similar to litigation, is another option, which involves both parties entering an agreement to let an arbitrator settle the dispute for them. Both parties present their arguments to the arbitrator and the arbitrator will either make a concrete decision or the decision will be allowed to be appealed. Collaborative divorce is similar to arbitration in that it takes place outside of the courtroom, but neither party is forced into making a decision right then and there, and no third party will make the decision for them either. During a collaborative divorce, both parties come to a single room, or separate rooms, and present their sides to the collaborative divorce attorney. The collaborative divorce attorney takes no sides and has nothing to gain or lose by pressuring either party into a decision.
Why Should I Consider Collaborative Divorce?
There are many good reasons for going with a collaborative divorce over litigation. However, it should be kept in mind that in order for collaborative divorce to work, the communicative relationship between both parties must still be somewhat intact and the wishes that both parties have entering the process should already meet somewhere in the middle.
- Cost: The average collaborative divorce cost $19,723 which is less expensive than a traditional litigated divorce, which comes in at an average of $77,746.
- You control the outcome: The collaborative divorce attorney will help both parties come to an understanding and reach a middle ground in terms of asset and property division, child custody, alimony, and other issues. If a decision is made, legal contracts can be signed there or at a later date to enforce the decisions made equally by both parties. You are in control and can agree to or deny any offers presented by the other side.
Contact an Attorney Today
Whether you decide to go with litigation, arbitration, or collaborative divorce, you will need an experienced attorney at your side throughout. Call the Charlotte law office of Powers Landreth PLLC today.
Resources:
forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2014/05/22/divorcing-women-is-it-best-to-litigate-or-settle/#3097c9e4618c
nbcnews.com/id/22315262/print/1/displaymode/1098/
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Custody Over the Family Pet
Who gets Fido?
You might be surprised what causes hang-ups in separations and divorce. Sometimes even deciding whether to separate involves consideration of factors that may seem unimportant, if not frivolous to some.
The other side of the coin involves assumptions about what’s fair or what the divorce laws in North Carolina say.
If you’re a pet owner, figuring out who gets the dog in a divorce (or cat or any other beloved pet) can turn out to be a big deal. You may have even waited to split up, fearful you’d be separated from an animal that is very much considered a member of the family.
Generally speaking, pets are considered property. They are not subject to ‘best-interests’ considerations like children. And that can cause problems – Bill Powers, Charlotte Divorce Lawyer
You can replace a car, the couch, or a home with another one, but you cannot replace the bond that you have created with your pet with the snap of your fingers or with a quick credit card transaction. For many folks, the family pet is a member of the family.
They’re more than property.
Indeed, given almost 70% of homes in the United States have at least one pet, it’s surprising there aren’t more disputes and protracted litigation in family court about pet custody issues.
Property division can be one of the most hotly contested aspects of divorce. Adding pets into the equation only complicates the matter. That’s one reason why proceed forward in a collaborative law fashion may be helpful.
Unfortunately, unlike child custody, the court treats pets as property. There aren’t “pet custody laws” in North Carolina. There isn’t a consideration of what is in the best interests of the pet.
As property, dogs and cats (pets) are considered as part of Equitable Distribution. That means the Judge goes through and decides:
- What is a marital asset?
- What is separate property?
- What is the property worth?
- What’s fair in splitting up marital assets?
Is a Pet Separate Property or Marital Property?
Because the court views pet animals as property, your dog, fish, cat, or pet snake may fall under the category of marital property or personal property. The division of assets, which necessarily includes real and personal property, is done so through the NC Equitable Distribution laws.
Personal property normally includes anything that either party brought into the marriage, or, more simply, anything that was purchased or acquired before the marriage. That is not an absolute rule.
In fact, there is some legal authority to argue the assumption that individual “separate” property is gifted to the marriage or otherwise becomes marital property over time. There are exceptions. Frankly, it can be a bit complicated.
“Separate Property” may include things like an inheritance or gifts that were given specifically to one or the other spouse.
Pets are Property
According to the Animal Legal Defense Fund, some courts are looking at the bond between the animal and the owner to establish custody or ownership.
Equitable Distribution Affidavit
Proving that the bond between you and your pet is stronger than the bond between your pet and the other owner may be accomplished in court by showing who provided more care, who took the pet to more veterinarian visits, who took the animal on more walks, etc.
Eyewitnesses, such as neighbors and friends, as well as receipts and other documentation, can be utilized for the purpose of proving a strong bond. If you do not wish to put everything in the hands of the court, you and your ex-spouse may wish to work out a sharing schedule or contract between the two of you that specifically outlines who has the pet on specific days, weeks, or months.
Charlotte Equitable Distribution Lawyers
Whether you are seeking ownership of your dog, cat, or guinea pig, the Charlotte divorce attorneys of Powers Law Firm PA understand the importance of the bond that you have with your beloved pet.
Our lawyers are available for legal consultation for separation and divorce matters in Charlotte (Mecklenburg County) and Mooresville (Iredell County).
Legal matters involving separation, divorce, and equitable distribution are subject to a consultation fee. Matters discussed and disclosed to our divorce lawyers as part of legal representation (and consultations) is confidential.
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